“There is nothing on this Earth more to be prized than true friendship.” instructed Saint Thomas Aquinas. This unique gift comes about in exceedingly unusual and surprising ways much of time. We connect with an individual through an activity or event and find ourselves intrigued or simply filled with laughter. Then realize we have a common interest. We begin to spend time together when a memorable or kooky situation strikes.
We are shown through these occurrences that we are in this together. We are joined and connected by our common experience. It is in those absurd moments, that we do not desire to see happen, that we are actually drawn nearer to each other. They create deep memories that are laden with emotion. This seeps into our souls. We laugh, cry, and cringe together. When we mutually remember these significant moments, we are deeply connected.
As I think of one of my friends and her family, I chuckle as I remember our wild moments together with our kids. Her unconditional love shines through in the trying instances, the ‘Oh my word! What just happened…are you serious now?!?!’ moments. That wide-eyed, ‘Uh-oh!’, tugs at our hearts and actually connects us!
Imagine sitting at a friend’s home of just barely two years. You are snuggled on her beautiful plush couch with your 8 year old who is not feeling so well. Your child has another migraine headache. You are trying to calm her and soothe her. All at once, she sits bolt upright and vomits what seems like a 5 gallon bucket of Ethiopian dinner, chock full of Berbere, an unique Ethiopian spice, on your sweet friend’s designer living room rug and throw. Your heart sinks as you survey the monstrous, gut-retching mess.
You call out to your friend for help. You are not even sure what you need, but you know you cannot do this alone. She rushes in, surveys the damage and hurries back with paper towels, towels, and random cleaning products. She takes over so you can help your daughter draw a much needed bath. When you return she has most of the mess cleaned up and is ‘Googling’ the best way to clean the foreign, vibrant, orange-colored spice out of the carpet and throw.
You apologize as you now stand side by side ‘Googling’ and comparing finds. Together you decide on the best plan of action and attack, Plan A. Fail. Plan B. A slight improvement, but another miss. Plan C? Again a minuscule change in the orange hue clinging to the white lightly-patterned rug. You look at each other and call it as good as it gets and move on to a plan for the expensive throw that has sentimental value.
You declare the throw is not worth the fuss. But, she and her husband, who is now involved in the clean up efforts, decide a wash in the machine is what is called for. You try your best shake the chunks of vomit out into the bush outside, while gagging and attempting not to add to the mess. You hear your friend quietly laughing in the doorway. You both try to grab a side and wrestle the disgusting mess upstairs to the machine that holds all hope. In it goes. You turn the washer on and look at each other knowing the deed is done. Whatever will happen next is out of your hands now.
You did your best to salvage it. You sigh in relief and head to the kitchen to share a much deserved, delicious treat and coffee, attempting to forget the wild turn in the day. As you sit and eat, you both begin to laugh at the unfolding events of the day. You apologize again for the mess your child has made of her home.
That was me…the progression of events shocked me and made me feel so helpless, like a burdensome guest. I felt terrible and tried aimlessly to make up for, or even pay for the damage, but she insisted that we forget it and move on. The amazing and memorable part is the laughter and gagging that followed as we spent the better part of our evening on our knees, taking turns in an attempt to clean the carpet with a variety of remedies and concoctions. She assured me with loving words and acts, as she always does, that we are in this together.
You do not loose true friendship over vomit, or even over 50 pounds of stinky rice! I will get to the rice in a moment. Through these trying circumstances my friend was able to offer mercy, charity, forgiveness, and understanding because her love for me and my family pushed her to a good place. A place where she could embrace us, even in our messiness. Now, that’s love!
‘The rice incident’ was yet another time the same friend shared this unconditional, nonsensical love. To make a long story short, my crazy, inventive two year old decided to make soup in the my friend’s rice table. It was filled with no less than 50 pounds of dry rice. Pretty much right after my friend assured me that the kids could play with anything in the rice table except water, in walks my 2 year old with a bright idea and a cup of…you guessed it…water!
Fast forward 5 days in the humid Durham heat..Presto! 50 pounds of stanky, moldy rice, all left for my sweet friend to painstakingly discard, with me and mischievous two year old 500 miles away. She did muster up a hilarious jab of a text and sent it my way as she scooped the mess away! We chuckled together again. I sent apologies and she sent laughter and mercy. We are actually better friends because of the rice incident. Love, her love, shined through anew in a trying yucky rice mess, despite our distance.
We all try so desperately to avoid mishaps and bad, tough situations, but those are exactly what solidify our relationships and force us to dig deeper, to go to a place where love prevails. It is not an easy journey but we are better for it. As we internalize these experiences, we are able to grow together and create long-lasting friendships. These are the relationships tested in fire, the fire of life and craziness, the fire of reality.
I once had a dear girlfriend who always reminded our Bible study group of the importance of being real with each other. She believed in the benefits of sharing your reality with those you meet. She often reflected that part of what is wrong with the world is this false authenticity we create. It produces a distance between us because we feel inferior or less than. When we own up to who we are, the mistakes, and the mishaps in our lives, we connect in that realness. The union opens the door of our hearts to something deeper than just a surface conversation that shares our best.
I have met some of my closest friends in the most vulnerable, trying times in my life. I think the connectedness we share is rooted in us knowing that we truly love each other. We are assured of this because its been tested and proven when our “crazy” is hanging out or our hearts are exposed. We can be real with one another and love deeply because we have learned through our experiences. We have determined that when we share the deepest parts of our being, when we choose to share our souls, that is the very essence of love.
Trying to be who God created us to be together, giving it our all, failing miserably, and doing it again with His grace and His love is how He asks us to live our life each day. He created us to live out this journey of life with faithful friends by our side to help us dust off the dirt and pick ourselves up and do it again. Growing closer to each other, and Him, as we live out our voyage here on Earth, striving desperately to inch our way to Heaven with a few good friends in tow is part of His divine plan.
We merely have to open our hearts, be real, and embrace the crazy and the friendships that God uniquely brings to each of us! Then, we cross the threshold of love.
Call to Act: Who is He asking you to open your heart to? Where is he asking you to be real and share the very essence of who you are, mistakes, lessons, embarrassing moments? Where does He desire that you embrace your crazy, or someone else’s and show mercy or receive it? Take it to prayer. Ask our Lord to reveal those He wants you to bring more closely and share the beauty of your being. And then take the plunge, share the moments and grow together in love.
St. Valentine, pray for us that we may be able to love each other fully and purely. Ask Our Lord to offer us aid that we might pour out His love in the reality of our everyday lives. Intercede for us that He may open our hearts to share the deepest recesses of our being and genuinely remain as He created us to live in love and fraternity. We ask this through Jesus Christ Our Lord and Redeemer. Amen.
The ones I love, who love me super-abundantly.
Saint Valentine
Not much is known for certain about St. Valentine, except that he did exist in Rome. There are identified relics through the world. Stories tell of his marriages of couples vowed to each other, martyrdom, and healing a blind child. He was insistent of his love of the Church and refused to renounce his faith at all costs, martyred around 269. Learn more about him here.
https://www.catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=159