My dear friend, we will call her Aggie, recently shared a painful account of an encounter with her husband with me. It brought her to saddened tears. Aggie explained how she felt he was hurt and lost. She understood that her hubby was lonely and misunderstood. My friend could see that he needed to be heard and comforted by someone who truly loved him unconditionally.
The hurtful words her husband uttered stung, but just briefly, and then the overwhelming desire to love him filled Aggie’s heart. My friend recognized that her husband had never felt a deep type of love before, maybe once by his father, but that was gone now. His father had gone on to a better place. She believed that her husband’s heart longed to be understood and comforted.
He cried out in ways that seemed so juvenile, yet this was how he understood that those he loved would notice him. He knew how to do it well. The cry was loud and obnoxious, sure to be noticed, not to be forgotten or overlooked, like a toddler throwing a tantrum in a store. He cried out. He bellowed from deep within his soul. His soul begged for the love he needed to feel whole. There was an emptiness in him that affected all he did. Something was incomplete.
He did not understand how to love because he had never experienced pure love. He only knew love with limits. His heart was underdeveloped. He needed Aggie’s love and devotion and his Heavenly Father’s love and assurance. Yet, he did not understand this reality. He squirmed and yelled, kicked and huffed as he felt the pain of it all. How could he discover the depths and meaning of true love? It was right there with him but her husband was unable to grasp onto it. His wife was there, she was totally present.
He was lost in his brokenness and drowning in a pain he did not even perceive was pulling him down. But he did not realize that true love, unconditional love, is worth this pain. He could rise above the anguish and allow his lover, his spouse, his partner through the thick and thin of life, to lift him up and aid him in this beautiful discovery. Britt on blessedisshe.net speaks to this in her article entitled, “Extraordinary Women and Mother Teresa”. She captures the idea with these words, “Real love hurts…True love is dying for another. True love is giving heart, mind, and body so that another soul may use you as a stepping ladder to see God more fully. Love is looking at a person’s deepest most faults, instabilities, and proclaiming that this person, if only but a stranger, is worth laying down your life for. Love is sacrifice, and love requires vulnerability.”
Aggie’s husband would be able to be renewed and healed. Our Lord would work through his spouse, my dear friend, to give him a glimpse of this love that he longed for, so could gradually let go of his pain and moanings. He could learn to love rightly and give of himself as she tried to give so abundantly of herself. Then, he would know and understand the depths of love, God’s love. He would be in a place where he could truly believe that he was a beloved son of God. He would know that he would not be abandoned at his toughest moments or tread on as he struggled to stay afloat. Her husband would be able to give this love to others, as my friend had given it to him through God’s grace and charity. Love would pour freely out of him into the world and overwhelm others, the way he once felt overtaken with grief and loneliness.
Real love is like that, completely consuming and totally healing, but he did not grasp this truth and Aggie was doing her best to help bring him to this reality. So, she kept trying. My girlfriend shared that in the middle of this toil she had recalled reading this encouraging nugget of truth about the Annunciation. “The Annunciation models at least two important truths. First, we may not feel equipped for the task before us to which we have been invited. Second, despite this reality, our little yeses to Christ are borne into the world in unimaginable ways,” wrote Katie Cassady in her article “The Annuciation: One ‘Yes’ at a Time”, on blessedisshe.net. Aggie knew that she could be borne into the world in love, a love through her husband who was struggling to feel the depths of her love. She was not equipped for this, but God was and He was by her side as she pushed forward determined to share her spousal love despite this difficult wall that appeared to be up.
Aggie was assured that with God all things are possible and through Him her broken husband and his heart would be mended and made new. “Love is the only source of nature powerful enough to bring another soul to God, and that gift alone should be worth any amount of agony.” My friend was again pushed by Britt’s words as she finished reading her article on blessedisshe.net. So, that was what her husband needed. He could not see the depths of God’s love alone, but through his soul mate, his lover, his spouse for life, my friend, his heart could be cracked open, fed and nourished with this life in love.
Aggie inspired me, as she shared her story, to continue to love even in life’s toughest moments. I am encouraged to peer into the depths of the brokenness and pain in those who are hurting and attempt to love them and pray them through it all, just as my friend did. Our Lord works miracles through love. Just look at the gift of love He gave us in His son, Jesus.
Love heals all wounds. We are reminded of this in Isaiah 61: 1-2, “The spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me; He has sent me to bring glad tidings to the lowly, to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives and release to the prisoners, To announce a year of favor from the Lord and a day of vindication by our God, to comfort all who mourn.”
Call to Act: Whose soul is Our Lord asking you reach with His love? Where is He asking you to look deeper, past the pain inflicted on you, into the brokenness and hurt? I urge you to lift this person up in prayer and reach out to them in love. This is a call to act sister! Act in charity to those who suffer. I challenge you to reach out and love those you find most difficult to embrace. He is calling you. Will you answer with an act of charity and a ‘Yes, Lord,’ as my dear friend did, and pour out all you are in love for Our Lord?
Saint Monica, pray for us, as you did so fervently for your son, St. Augustine. Pray that we may be able to love the children of God thrown into our lives who need to feel the depths of the Father’s love through us. Ask Our Father to allow us to shower them with love and mercy despite their struggles and harsh words and actions. Pray that we may lift them up with our imperfect love. We ask this through Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.
Saint Monica
St. Monica of Hippo is the mother of St. Augustine. She is most known for her fervent prayers, piety, and devotion to Our Lord. She was married to a pagan for whom she prayed fervently, eventually successfully converting him and his mother to Christianity. She also prayed feverously for her son Augustine who was leading a very sinful life, following him from city to city to watch over him and offer prayers and fasting. She eventually met and became friends with St. Ambrose who spiritually advised her and aided in St. Augustine’s conversion. Read more about her here.
https://www.franciscanmedia.org/saint-monica/ and here https://www.catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=1