Devastation filled my heart. My body was quaking with ripples from the tears that were flowing deep within my heart. I tremored as I cried out to Our Lord beseeching Him to help me to see the good in this hopeless, devasting situation. I pleaded for Him to reveal the next step I needed to take to simply get through this tough situation. My heart ached for the very person who caused the pain in the cavity of my soul. I desired to show mercy and right judgement, but the effects of this human’s sin seemed to overflow into all areas of my life and so many others. Salty tears stung my face as muffled sobs escaped my clenched lips. The gravity of emotion I felt over the injustice evident to me was consuming my entire being. I just wanted to make this right and I could not.
I spent over an hour that night conversing with the Lord, asking for direction as well as, a softened heart. The Lord and I talked about my pain and how He was at my side. We discussed the wrongness of the actions committed and the great deal of pain and grief it was causing others. While I lamented the choices this sinner had made, I also professed my assurance that the Lord would come through for me, as I poured out how intensely my heart hurt. The tears flowed until there were no more left and my body melted from exhaustion. I had given it all to God, laid it all out, but still, I experienced no greater peace.
I had tried to be diligent and carefully make right choices along the way. I had continued to turn to God with each new trial created by this person’s sin, but now it seemed irreparable. How was I ever going to be able to be in relationship with this person again after all this anguish? I felt like time could heal the wounds and allow me to offer forgiveness, but pressing situations were not allowing space or time. “Lord, come to my aid,” I cried. This was not a battle I could ever even attempt to fight apart from Him.
So, the next morning when I rose, feeling a new sense of optimism, I dropped my children off at school and I went to mass. I had intended to seek counsel from a wise friend that morning, but she was delayed and the opportunity to hash through the current dilemma passed. So as I sat in the church, still taking my beef to the Lord, He reminded me that the sacraments are the most holy way to fight any battle. Choosing to bring my battle before the cross and offering it to him was the best thing I could do. I took my pain and struggle to Him in the offering of the mass and the reception of the Eucharist.
As I knelt to pray after receiving Our Lord in Communion, I implored, “Lord, I still feel no direction or peace with the situation at hand. My heart is still so sad and stirred by this fellow Christian’s sin.” And do you know what He put on my heart? The story in John 7:53-8:11, where Jesus meets the adulterer and forgives her. Jesus simply forgives her. He does not ask for penance from her, does not hold any grudges for the wrong committed, does not beat her up for the poor choices she had made and her sinfulness. Jesus just forgives her and instructs her to sin no more. And I knew instantly, that God was asking to me to extend mercy to this person who had inflicted so much pain on me, my family, and so many others. He was showing me the way through Jesus. This was not a point I needed to make, the simple act of extending mercy and love was enough. This battle could be won by love, mercy, and forgiveness, where it was not necessarily deserved. The grace I received in the sacrament of the Eucharist opened my eyes to the right path, the path Jesus was leading me on, if I was willing to soften my heart to it.
A few days later, as I listened to Fr. Mike Schmitz’s commentary on the great battle of David and Goliath in his podcast The Bible in a Year, I was encouraged to continue to fight the seemingly worldly battles, just as David had fought lions and bears as a lowly shepherd to defend his sheep. The trust and faith he exhibited during these physical battles is what prepared him for the battle with Goliath, allowing him to have an overwhelming faith and trust in the Lord as he went to battle with a giant. That battle and his bravery won him Saul’s favor and eventually the kingship.
No battle is to great or small for Our Lord. We must be brave and do as the Lord instructs us, even if it goes against the norms and odds. God is constantly by our sides. Push fear aside and go sister!
Reflecting on Fr. Mike’s commentary, I looked back and remembered, in the not to distant past, an even deeper heart wrenching situation that cut me to the core, requiring me to extend undue forgiveness and mercy to one so very close to me. That opportunity to grow in virtue opened my heart and prepared me to fight this current battle in the correct manner, with love, forgiveness, and mercy. The battles of our lives that seem to overtake us as we endure them, are the very tools God uses to prepare us for future wars we will face. All the attempts at rightness and small battles won allow us to grow in virtue and in ways we cannot surmise until the time arises that we must pull out that shield or raise that sword. It is the everyday battles that the Lord presents to us that we must fight to overcome in order to be prepared for the greater wars that are to come.
Call To Act: Where is the Lord asking you to go to battle for Him? What thing is He asking that you turn over to Him? Where is He asking you to step out in bravery and trust? Remember, no battle is too great with the Lord. Take heart and trust in the Lord. Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, on your own intelligence rely not; In all your ways be mindful of him, and he will make straight your paths.” Do as He asks. No telling where this journey will take you!
“Obedience is the first step of faith.” Dietrich Bonhoeffer says in The Cost of Discipleship. “ A devoted disciple understands that following Jesus is not on their terms but on God’s. We don’t get to choose how we follow and tell Jesus our plans. We are shown how to follow, and then He waits to see how we will respond. If we will respond,” Laura Phelps quoted in her inspiring article, “Starting Fires” at www.walkingwithpurpose.com.
Do not disappoint. No matter the level of trust required, I encourage you to say yes in word and deed. Respond with a, ‘Yes, Lord. I will do as you ask, no matter the difficulty. Your will be done, Lord.’ Go to battle for Him. Your armor is ready and waiting. Do not doubt. Step out in faith and be brave sister. The Lord is by your side.
St. Jerome pray for us, as we strive to trust in the Lord. Ask Him to grant us tremendous courage as we take on the battles the Lord beckons us to. Beg Him to be our strength as we take heart and move forward, in a holy and virtuous manner, trusting Him even in the most terrifying of situations. Beseech Him that we too may come to the aid of the lions the Lord allows in our lives, with a gentle, compassionate, and loving heart. We ask this in the name of Jesus Christ Our Lord and Savior. Amen.
Saint Jerome
St. Jerome lived around 340 AD. Very little is known about Jerome as a boy, except that he was instructed by a scholarly man in grammar. Jerome traveled to Rome to further study grammar but lost his way morally as he became extremely interested in women. He understood that his actions were wrong, but did not cease behaving poorly. As he began to learn to become a translator, he also had several holy friends at this time who strove to lead poor Jerome on the right path. They succeeded and Jerome was baptized. Desiring holier things, Jerome traveled with his friend to receive ecclesiastical training and then eventually began to translate books. The saint continued his travels, at one point becoming ill and living as a hermit. He wrote multiple books and letters, desired to become a monk but was ordained a priest. One intriguing legend tells that, as an adult, Jerome was able to bravely bring comfort to a lion with an injured paw, with the lion becoming docile as Jerome cared for him. St. Jerome served the pope briefly, but is most known for his translation of the Bible from Hebrew and Old Latin. Learn more about him here:
https://www.catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=10