A dear friend of mine has been struggling with one of her kiddos. We will call her Clair. Much to her dismay, her son seems to have desire to follow the most dismal of characters and pathetic leaders, who make the worst choices. He falls into negative cycles and patterns and has minimal desire or willpower to pull himself out. My sweet friend, who is one of the best moms I know and likely the most dedicated anyone could ever know, has been torn to pieces by her reckless son’s behavior. She has lost countless nights sleep, wearing her rosary beads thin, reached out to a multitude of specialists, and has been willing to go to extremely great lengths to provide her son the support he needs to improve and change. However, Clair’s son mostly chooses to ignore it all and continue on his merry destructive way. The roller coaster has been going on for a few years now.
Talking with my friend, Clair, you would assume, without a shadow of a doubt, that she raises amazing, faithful kids. You would expect to see her children at the top of their classes, as leaders in all areas, and as shining examples of adolescents. You would feel small next to Clair, in her ability as a mother, in her willingness to sacrifice for her family and children, and in her strength of faith. You would turn to her with your most pressing and perplexing parenting questions, assuming Clair would wisely know how to answer them and solve your dilemmas. She is Supermom!
Most people are shocked to hear that Clair has challenging kids. Her children struggle just as most other teens and preteens do. Her kiddos test limits and try out harmful things despite her taking the time to discuss risks and temptations in great depth with them. They are impulsive, like nearly every teen. Clair struggles to hand out consequences that sink in and provide rewards for noteworthy behavior. My friend appears to be Supermom, but really she is just like every other woman who tries her best to point her children in the right direction and do the next right thing to help support them in their growth.
My friend has had a rough few years, however, she radiates a sense of peace. Clair takes everyday struggles and battles as they come and keeps her head high. She continues to move forward doing her best to support her son and other kiddos. However, Clair does not forget that she cannot do this alone and that she cannot make her children’s choices for them. They ultimately must choose for themselves. She can only be momma bear to a certain degree. Her son, as much as it pains her, must learn from his mistakes and try to move past the poor choices he makes. And if he chooses not to, she has to lean into the Lord and hold on the fact that she is doing everything she can as his mother, within reason.
It is in this space that Clair turns to saintly women, women who have also had wayward children or been wayward themselves. She cries out St. Monica, St. Rita, St. Augustine, and St. Teresa of Avila. As she winces in pain, witnessing her dear child suffering, Clair lifts her eyes to the Lord and to Mary to comfort her, lift her up, and provide direction to her. My wise friend prays and fasts for her children. Bombarding heaven with prayers for her babes, she rests in the Lord’s peace. ”Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
Call To Act: So sister, when you peer out into the world and see a momma who appears to have it all together and begin to feel down and judge yourself or others, remember my sweet friend, Clair, and so many other seemingly perfect mothers who are struggling just as you are. Pick yourself up, turn your eyes heavenward and pray for your children. And when the words have run out, rest assure that the good Lord is watching over them. Continue on, doing the best you can, and leaning into the Lord, with hope in your heart. You can do all things through the Lord who strengthens you. The Lord can soften hearts and change lives. Pray for your children and for other children and mothers who are in the same boat. “First of all, then, I ask that supplications, prayers, petitions, and thanksgivings be offered for everyone.” 1 Timothy 2:1. Offer fasting and prayers. My prayers are with you sister on this wild and scary journey of motherhood!
Saint Teresa of Avila, pray for us, as mothers, as we try to guide our wayward children closer to the Lord. Beg the Lord to allow us to speak wisdom when necessary and hold silent when it is prudent. Ask Him to instruct us in His ways and pour patience, resilience, and hope into our hearts as we help our babes to navigate life in these challenging times. Most importantly, pray fervently for our children that they will uncover the beauty of a personal relationship with the Lord which will ultimately bring them to always choose life, for themselves and others. We know you understand the wayward path and that we can count on your prayers. We pray this in the name of Jesus Christ, Our Lord and Savior. Amen.
Saint Teresa of Avila St. Teresa was born in Spain in 1515. Due to the constant conflict produced between a strict father and a mother who loved romance novels, Teresa felt she could do no right. Her parents were often disagreeing and placed her in the middle of their arguments. Her teenage years were wild and her father eventually sent her to the convent to live. Young Teresa both enjoyed and disliked this experience. Nearly her entire life Teresa was convinced she was a horrible sinner. As a result, she chose entering a convent when asked to make the decision between marriage and religious life. Even after entering the convent, she continued to struggle with her spiritual life. The convent where Saint Teresa resided was not a virtue saturated community. There were often parties involving men and money. Humility was not abundant. Teresa had a difficult time fixing her eyes on Our Lord. Malaria struck her and her prayer life continued to decline, as she used her ill health as an excuse to pray very infrequently. At the age of 41, Teresa returned to her prayer at the urging of a priest. Still, her prayer was distracted and anxious. With her return to prayer, God blessed her with levitation and numerous other gifts in prayer. Teresa was not thrilled with these gifts. At 43, Teresa decided to found a new convent, the Decalced Carmelites. This order led a simpler way of life, lovingly working, not begging. This was not well received, yet she proceeded nevertheless. Saint Teresa’s prayer life improved and she opened more convents despite a lack of support and many difficulties. She wrote several books, one of the most popular being The Interior Castle. She is now considered a Doctor of the Church. Read more about her here: https://www.catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=208