For years I have been wrestling with agony a dear friend causes me again and again. She does not know the injury she inflicts. She is unable to see it. I needed the pain to subside. So I cried and prayed and poured out my heart to Our Lord. And then, I had an epiphany.
I dreamt last night of forgiveness and hard conversations. I dreamt of the pain the one who hurt me is experiencing herself. She moaned and cried out as I confronted her about the anguish I experience due to her inconsistent care, concern, and time. She asked for my approval and I gave her the hard truth. I shared how her decisions deeply affect me and the pain it causes my heart. She recoiled in sadness, curling into a fetal position. Her frailty and inner pain was evident. Through this painful interaction, it was clear to me that she was trying her hardest to be the woman she longs to be, but fails and falls, as we all do. This caused her to writhe in pain. The image stuck with me as I woke.
As I process that vivid dream, I admit that in my state of anguish, it is hard for me to recognize and acknowledge that the pain I feel is a result of her woundedness. This poor exhausted woman truly has no more to give. Despite her own inadequacies, this broken woman is making her best effort to navigate life. She places her best foot forward each and every day. Yet, it seems this is not enough for me. Charity is called for. God’s grace will enable me to allow her to be someone other than who I need her to be. Embracing her brokenness and inabilities is how I will convey Christ’s love to her.
Often God allows us little windows into another’s soul. Seeing the depths of their pain can enable us to love them unconditionally. We are given the opportunity to grow and be in better relation with one who causes us harm. Isn’t that what God asks of each and every one of us, that we love?
Jesus instructs us to love even the greatest sinners, telling us to pray for those who do us harm in Matthew 5:44-47. “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may prove yourselves to be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Even the tax collectors, do they not do the same? And if you greet only your brothers and sisters, what more are you doing than others? Even the Gentiles, do they not do the same?” This is how God loves us, completely. For all that we are, brokenness included, He loves us. How can we embrace this call to love our enemies, or simply those who hurt us? We are called to act.
Call To Act: Often it is a kind word or gesture that speaks Christ’s love. Reaching out the offender, not waiting for them to recognize the wrong and come to you. Offering an apology yourself for the hurt you have caused them. Taking it to prayer and spending time in reflection will often open your eyes to pain you caused, even if inadvertently. Pray for a softening of your heart and your offender’s. Ask for a window into their soul, which may allow you to have greater compassion and mercy for them. Swallow your pride, grab ahold of humility, and seek Our Lord’s will. And then, be sure to act. Often we know what we must do but lay in wait, procrastinating the uncomfortable but necessary. We must step forward and step up and act. My prayers are with you sister as you work to pour out love, mercy, and forgiveness like the Lord. With His grace, all things are possible.
Saint Maria Goretti, pray for us, that we may be able to forgive our offenders as fully as you forgave yours, offering unconditional love and mercy. Pray that our hearts are softened to their pain. Ask Our Lord to give us the strength we need to act. Pray that we can grow closer to our Lord through this most difficult struggle, bringing each other to a deeper love of God through an outpouring of charity. We ask this through Jesus Christ, Our Lord, and Redeemer, who poured out his blood in reparation for our sins. Amen.
Saint Maria Goretti
St. Maria Goretti was a late 19th century Italian who was murdered at the young age of 11. When her attacker tried to force himself on her and she refused, in anger he stabbed her multiple times. She died the next day from infection in the wounds. Maria had preserved her virginity at all costs. After her death, St. Maria appeared to her attacker while he was in jail, completely forgiving him and showing great mercy. This sinful man was so filled with sorrow that he repented, converted, and eventually became a lay Franciscan, living a holy life for the rest of his years on earth, serving Our Lord. Maria’s great love and mercy enabled another lost sheep to find his way home. Read more about her here: https://mariagoretti.com/